When you take risks and operate with integrity; when you consider other people's needs as well as your own; when you think about long term situations instead of short-term gains; and when you really tell the truth; you can achieve amazing results.
Learning to do this well requires skill and practice. This is especially true when you need information in a confusing situation. It's especially true when you're in a situation where a misstep can cause real problems.
The following steps will help you practice the skills you need to achieve results and gain respect in the workplace.
1. Before you ask anything, gather as much information as you can about a situation by careful observation.
* Listen to the topics that are discussed
* Notice topics that are not discussed.
* Pay attention to nonverbal clues-posture, tone of voice
* Notice relative power positions of the people present in the situation-even furniture placement and seating arrangements.
2. Think about what additional information you need to better understand the situation. Look for the missing pieces.
3. Use your intuition. What is your hunch or guess about what is going on? What do you wish you knew?
4. Ask questions only when you are truly unsure of what the answers will be.
5. Listen carefully to the answers that are presented to you. Give it your full attention.
Ask clarifying questions only if you cannot understand the answer you are hearing. Wait until the answer is complete before you comment on it.
Treat everyone with respect – avoid being condescending in any way.
6. Never ask a question when you are already sure what the answer is. The only reason to do this is to catch someone else doing something wrong. If you do this, others will sense it and feel resentful or put down, even if you think you are being subtle.
7. Be willing to be vulnerable. Take responsibility for your own mistakes or lack of information. In this situation, saving face (your own) is not nearly as important as helping others save face!
8. If you feel attacked or challenged by the answer to one of your questions,
do not defend yourself. Respond by stating your understanding of what was said. Ask if your understanding is accurate.
9. Keep asking questions until you are sure you understand what you need to know about the situation, and as long as others are willing to respond to you.
10. Thank everyone who is present.
If you enjoyed this article The Integrity Course will provide much more information I believe will be useful to you. Included in this course are stories of how over 25 people confronted issues about integrity in the workplace. http://www.TheIntegrityCourse.com
written by Laurie Weiss
\\ tags: Business Communication, Coaching, Difficult Communication, Emotional Intelligence, Self-Management, Telling the Truth
Phil sent this question about The Integrity Course and gave me permission to share it with you.
I don't know if I can handle complete integrity. I get an offer that includes something questionable, and I bend the rules – or so it feels. I have had 'sinful nature' hovreing
over me, most of my life. How do you see this fitting in with the course?
Phil
Phil,
One of the lessons is "Sometimes it Makes Sense Not To Tell the Truth" (not sure of the exact title.) Others are about people faced with dilemmas who do their best.
I try to provide tools to help people make hard decisions when faced with difficult challenges. I don't know anyone who can handle complete integrity. We are all human, including me.
From your note, I think you would find The Integrity Course valuable. It is guaranteed, so if it doesn't meet your needs let us know and we will refund your money.
Warmly,
Laurie
Learn more about communicating with integrity in The Integrity Course, an online, multimedia home-study course to help you say what you think without getting fired or losing your friends.
written by Laurie Weiss
\\ tags: Business Communication, Integrity, Self-Management, Telling the Truth
It’s a one-of-a-kind event — yet couldn’t be more timely!
Short version:
Here are some absolutely no-strings-attached gifts available for a very limited time! One of them is my ebook, “I Don’t Need Therapy, but Where Do I Turn for Answers?” that is currently offered at http://www.IdontNeedTherapy.com for $29.77. Do Not Order From That Page.
Go here instead: http://www.solo-e.com/PostHolidayHangoverRemedy
Long version:
Whether you admit it or not, the word resolution goes hand in hand with the start of a new year. Whether you make your resolutions in the form of business goals and priorities, or actual resolutions …. By mid to late January, you’re likely tired of forcing yourself to follow-through on what you set out just a few weeks ago.
In comes Terri Z at Solo-E, a virtual learning resource for solo entrepreneurs, with the Post Resolution Hangover Giveaway. This isn't your typical giveaway…each item is a true gift, not available anywhere else for free! The value of each item is the price at which it sells today. How cool is that?!
The gifts include ebooks, audios, home-study packages and more, on topics including: 101 Ways to Attract Clients, 7 Things You Must Do to Get More Clients, The Facebook Fan Page Intensive, The Online Video Playbook, 5 Psychological Triggers to Turn Prospects Into Clients, Abundance in Business, and The Finding Time Quick-Start Guide.
Solo-E has partnered with several key experts to offer these incredible resources for online based business owners. For 12 days only – January 25 to February 5, you can download all these gifts at absolutely no cost (and no strings). That's right…you don't even have to give up your email address!
An incredible group of Experts are participating in the Post Resolution Hangover Giveaway, including:
Alicia Forest, Ann Ronan, Loren Fogelman, Tracey Lawton, Allison Babb, Tina Forsyth, Rebecca Zwar, Christine Gallagher, Lou Bortone, Heather Dominic, Laurie Weiss, Laurie Mandato, Zahra Efan, Hazel Palache, Laura West, Eva Gregory, Alicia Smith, Michele PW, Nina East and Paula Eder
Take a few minutes to see what all the fuss is about, and cure your Resolution Hangover! You’ll get access to fantastic resources that you can download and review at your convenience. Visit http://www.solo-e.com/PostHolidayHangoverRemedy
Remember this offer is only good for until February 5. Check out all the goodies now.
written by Laurie Weiss
\\ tags: Business Communication, Emotional Intelligence, Management, Self-Management
Are you a lot like me? I was raised with a very strong moral compass. I remember always trying very hard to do the best I could, and to please my parents, my teachers and everyone else in authority.
I was taught to respect others and above all to be polite. One of the things I was told over and over again was, "If you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all."
This worked out fine as long as things were going well and the people around me followed the same rules that I did. The problem is I didn’t know what to do when things went wrong. I felt especially stymied if saying something about a problem might be impolite or cause someone else embarrassment.
So most of the time I kept doing the best that I could and kept my mouth shut even about things that I thought were serious problems. Then when I finally would speak up I sort of stammered and beat around the bush and managed to get myself ignored.
And I couldn’t understand what was going on.
Does any of this sound familiar to you?
You probably know I’m not that way anymore. But for years I’ve seen my clients and readers struggle with the same dilemmas. My struggle has been to find ways to help my friends learn what I’ve learned along the way.
What I’ve learned has made a huge difference in my life and I think it will in yours too — and I think I’ve found a way to share it with you. Watch for more information in a few days.
written by admin
\\ tags: Business Communication, Conflict, Difficult Communication, Emotional Intelligence, Integrity, Self-Management, Telling the Truth
You may hate confrontation. Someone raising his or her voice may make you want to run and hide. And it certainly seems safer to freeze into nothing and wait till the situation burns itself out. But sometimes that’s just not an option. So here’s the plan you can prepare in advance so you’ll know step by step what to do to be able to salvage most situations — and you may even come out looking like a hero.
Here are the steps you need to take next time someone appears to have lost emotional control and verbally attacks you. You can take these steps even if you feel like you’re a deer in the headlights.
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Take a deep breath yourself and calmly look directly at your accuser.
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Say his or her name aloud and if you understand what she is upset about restate it. E.g. "Jim, you seem (angry, worried) because the package hasn’t arrived yet. Is that right?" Or
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Say his or her name and asked for a clarification. E.g. "Jim you seem (angry, worried) but I’m not quite sure I understand why. I think it’s something about the package. Can you tell me what the problem is?"
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Once you do understand, restate the problem just as in step number two and ask if you have it right.
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Sympathize with a hard time the person is having. "I’m sorry it’s so frustrating for you either done everything right and it’s still not working" or
Empathize: "Wow that happened to me, I’d be (angry, worried) too."
You may be finished at this point in the other person has calmed down and is ready for problem solving, or you may need to take another step. This step is necessary if you are in a position to help solve the problem.
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Offer to help or at least to do something that is within your power to ease the situation. E.g. "What would you like me to do to help?"
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Either take the requested action or offer a substitute.
By this time you’ve almost always a achieve your objective.
These steps work because they help someone who’s lost emotional control to slowly calm him or her self with your help. Often all that’s needed is to help someone who is upset feel seen heard and understood.
That person will be grateful to you for your help and you’ll learn that the monster behind the raised voice is really just a frustrated or confused real person.
Many of the lessons in The Integrity Course discuss practical ways to identify and resolve conflict.
written by admin
\\ tags: Business Communication, Coaching, Conflict, Difficult Communication, Emotional Intelligence, Managing Conflict, Managing Fear, Self-Management
On July 7 I posted a question on LinkedIn. Several of the people who responded asked to be updated about what happened next.
First let me be clear that I didn’t know exactly what I was doing. I had just finished reading Shama Hyder’s e-book, “The Zen Of Social Media Marketing”, where she recommended using the question function on LinkedIn to get help when you need it. I needed it.
I didn’t know that LinkedIn doesn’t allow polls and I didn’t know that LinkedIn does allow you to send direct questions to up to 200 people in your network. I only have 166 direct contacts and ended up sending the question to all of them. I received a total of 25 responses — 20 of them within the first 24 hours.
I consider that a phenomenal response and I was delighted with how generously so many people shared thoughtful answers.
Here’s the question:
"Choosing a title for a white paper for my Twitter followers. Which title would you be more likely to download? "Would you rather [1.let others walk all over you] or [2. get screwed] than risk looking stupid or being rejected?"
I’ve written a white paper about the costs of avoiding confrontations in communication and the need to develop skills for choosing and managing those confrontations. I intend to offer it as a giveaway on the landing page I list on my Twitter profile. http://twitter.com/LaurieWeiss
I would also welcome ideas for a shorter title."
Many of the responses were a variation of "it depends" with a lot of very thoughtful things to consider. The six responses that were "simply use option 2" (get screwed) all came from successful Internet marketers. The 11 people who voted for option 1 (walk all over you) came mostly from the coaching, consulting and therapy worlds.
Several people suggested that I go with a more positive or affirmative title.
Lots of people suggested variations and several pointed out that my proposed titles did not contain search engine friendly keywords. Another compelling consideration was whether I was aiming my message at a male or female audience. The information I have is that my audience is about two thirds female.
So I have titled the document: "Hate Confrontation? Would You Rather Get Treated Like A Doormat Than Risk Looking Stupid Or Being Rejected?"
If you would like a copy of the special report, you can access it at http://www.LaurieWeiss.com
Many thanks to all of you who helped me clarify my thinking and providing new options.
written by admin
\\ tags: Business Communication, Coaching, Conflict, Difficult Communication, Emotional Intelligence, Managing Conflict, Managing Fear, Self-Management, Telling the Truth
Expect to become disenchanted with any new situation and new associates. Most of us start new working relationships by showing only our best side. Sooner or later, we expose the negative side, too. No new experience stays as bright and shiny and exciting as it is when it’s brand-new. You are less likely to be deeply disappointed when you understand this ahead of time. Expect to uncover new information and use it to make decisions about how to manage in your new environment.
Continue reading »
written by Laurie Weiss
\\ tags: Business Communication, Coaching, Difficult Communication, Emotional Intelligence, Managing Conflict, Self-Management, Telling the Truth
Learn from your experience. Notice what works, and what usually receives a negative reaction from your co-worker(s). Do what works and stop doing what does not work. If doing what you do with others gets you what you want, that’s great. If you find yourself blaming others because they’re not responding the way you want them to, start paying attention. You can improve what happens by changing what you do.
- Are you angry and grouchy because a coworker is grouchy? If you say something nice to her you might be surprised at what different behavior shows up.
- Does your boss ask you to redo the memos you send? Jim’s boss kept telling him to shorten his memos. Jim told narrative stories in his memos. When Jim started submitting memos with bullet points, he stopped getting them back.
- Are you tired of staying late because other people are inconsiderate? Helen struggled to complete every assignment that was given to her at 4:45 in the afternoon. Things changed completely when she told her boss that she would complete them the next day.
Each one of these people changed their behavior and started getting different results. You can, too. Here’s how:
- Notice what you’ve been complaining about. (Even if you’re just thinking it and not saying anything at all.)
- Analyze what happens immediately before the response that you don’t like. Pay special attention to your own behavior.
- See if happens consistently. Does your boss return all memos for correction, or just yours? Does he change all of your memos or only some of them? Is the receptionist grouchy to everyone, or just to you? Paying attention will help you decide what to do next.
Remember one definition of insanity is doing what you’ve always done and expecting different results.
Free Mini-Course: Integrity — Use It or Lose It!
Free Mini-Course: Secrets for Turning Difficult Conversations into Amazing Opportunities for Cooperation and Success
written by Laurie Weiss
\\ tags: Business Communication, Coaching, Difficult Communication, Emotional Intelligence, Self-Management
What can you do when a valued client needs to drop your services because of current financial pressures? Senior executive leadership coach Bill Shirley, http://insearchofeagles.com , is experimenting with this creative solution. He made a clear agreement to pay it forward. But that’s not all. Bill offered his client a deal. He agreed to provide $1000 of his services completely free under certain specified conditions. The conditions are:
- That his client also offer $1000 of her services free to two of her clients who are facing financial difficulties.
- That her clients who take advantage of her free services also pay it forward by each offering two people $1000 of their services free.
- That each person who benefits agrees to pass on the favor to two additional recipients.
Bill is making a bet that offering her free services will do at least two things. One, it will energize his client and affirm her self worth in the midst of her financial struggles. Two, that this will make her more attractive and her business will increase and she will be able to resume paying him his regular fees. Bill is calling this a reverse Ponzi scheme. He’s willing to gamble that the outcome will be positive. I am, too. I’m willing to try this scheme myself to see what happens. Are you?
Learn more about communicating with integrity in The Integrity Course, an online, multimedia home-study course to help you say what you think without getting fired or losing your friends.
written by Laurie Weiss
\\ tags: Business Communication, Coaching, Integrity, Managing Fear, Self-Management
Laurie will be interviewed on Barbara Dixon’s Spirit Speaks blog radio talk show. Her topic is "How to Nurture Your Relationship During These Changing Times." Tune in at 10:00 a.m. ET on Monday, March 16. by clicking the Play button in the box below:
You will be taken directly to the online player for the interview. If you would like to comment or ask questions during the interview, you can call in at (646) 727-3956.
written by Laurie Weiss
\\ tags: Business Communication, Difficult Communication, Emotional Intelligence, Managing Change, Managing Fear, Money, Relationship Advice, Relationships, Self-Management
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