What you do need to know is below. My friend Suzanna wrote that part, and the reminders I will send over the next few days. The series starts Monday, November 15, and ends Friday; and my interview will be broadcast on Wednesday. I have  created an incredible offer for you – read on…

It's an old saying …

———————————————————————————————————
"Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug!"
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Yes, sometimes you succeed.

At other times … you FAIL!

THAT'S LIFE.

———————  THE BIG QUESTION …———————

So, how do you turn your failures, frustrations, challenges, and setbacks into SUCCESS?

How do you OVERCOME the obstacles in your way?

How do you get BEYOND the past … and remove the barriers that have held you back?

That's what my friend Suzanna Abbott is asking me when she interviews me during her "FAILURE TO FEARLESS" telesummit series.

http://tinyurl.com/2gyzdgb

You get to attend and listen in for FREE.

In fact, you can attend ALL 22 calls in this telesummit series as my GUEST.

Register here:

http://tinyurl.com/2gyzdgb

I think you'll LOVE my interview with Suzanna.

But, I also think you're REALLY going to learn and grow from the other 21 guest experts as well.

Grab this opportunity while it's available.

Register NOW:

>>>

See you on the call …

Laurie
 

While talking with a 40-year-old woman who makes enormous contributions to her community I learned that she was reluctant to talk about what she does to more than a few people at a time. She didn't want to call attention to herself.

When I asked what inspired her to do one of her many successful projects — collecting used medical equipment and shipping it to a third world country — I learned that it wasn't just about the medical equipment. Her motivation was keeping things out of landfills and protecting the planet. Her inspiration had come from hearing somebody else describe a project that also kept other large objects out of landfills.

As we talked she realized how talking about what she does (and has done) might encourage somebody else to contribute as well.

She also realized how she had been rebelling about writing about her contributions simply because someone else ordered her to. Now she sees the bigger purpose of letting herself be known.

Next time we met she described calling attention to herself in a large organization by contributing a clarifying restatement of that organization's project. She's now excited about becoming a role model for others.

Learn more about communicating with integrity in The Integrity Course, an online, multimedia home-study course to help you say what you think without getting fired or losing your friends.

We as rational, logical adults tend to avoid confusion. It seem like the right thing to do.

But if your objective is to gain clarity, resolve a conflict, come up with an innovative solution or just to be able to think through something in a critical way,you need to embrace confusion.

http://thoughtleadershipleverage.com/2010/04/embracing-confusion/ It is worth reading the whole article.

When you take risks and operate with integrity; when you consider other people's needs as well as your own; when you think about long term situations instead of short-term gains; and when you really tell the truth; you can achieve amazing results.

Learning to do this well requires skill and practice. This is especially true when you need information in a confusing situation. It's especially true when you're in a situation where a misstep can cause real problems.

The following steps will help you practice the skills you need to achieve results and gain respect in the workplace.

1. Before you ask anything, gather as much information as you can about a situation by careful observation.

* Listen to the topics that are discussed
* Notice topics that are not discussed.
* Pay attention to nonverbal clues-posture, tone of voice
* Notice relative power positions of the people present in the situation-even furniture placement and seating arrangements.

2. Think about what additional information you need to better understand the situation. Look for the missing pieces.

3. Use your intuition. What is your hunch or guess about what is going on? What do you wish you knew?

4. Ask questions only when you are truly unsure of what the answers will be.

5. Listen carefully to the answers that are presented to you. Give it your full attention.

Ask clarifying questions only if you cannot understand the answer you are hearing. Wait until the answer is complete before you comment on it.

Treat everyone with respect – avoid being condescending in any way.

6. Never ask a question when you are already sure what the answer is. The only reason to do this is to catch someone else doing something wrong. If you do this, others will sense it and feel resentful or put down, even if you think you are being subtle.

7. Be willing to be vulnerable. Take responsibility for your own mistakes or lack of information. In this situation, saving face (your own) is not nearly as important as helping others save face!

8. If you feel attacked or challenged by the answer to one of your questions,
do not defend yourself. Respond by stating your understanding of what was said. Ask if your understanding is accurate.

9. Keep asking questions until you are sure you understand what you need to know about the situation, and as long as others are willing to respond to you.

10. Thank everyone who is present.

 
Phil,
 
One of the lessons is "Sometimes it Makes Sense Not To Tell the Truth" (not sure of the exact title.) Others are about people faced with dilemmas who do their best.
 
I try to provide tools to help people make hard decisions when faced with difficult challenges. I don't know anyone who can handle complete integrity. We are all human, ­ including me.
 
From your note, I think you would find The Integrity Course valuable. It is guaranteed, so if it doesn't meet your needs let us know and we will refund your money.
 
Warmly,
 
Laurie

Learn more about communicating with integrity in The Integrity Course, an online, multimedia home-study course to help you say what you think without getting fired or losing your friends.

Long version:

Whether you admit it or not, the word resolution goes hand in hand with the start of a new year. Whether you make your resolutions in the form of business goals and priorities, or actual resolutions …. By mid to late January, you’re likely tired of forcing yourself to follow-through on what you set out just a few weeks ago.

In comes Terri Z at Solo-E, a virtual learning resource for solo entrepreneurs, with the Post Resolution Hangover Giveaway. This isn't your typical giveaway…each item is a true gift, not available anywhere else for free! The value of each item is the price at which it sells today. How cool is that?!

The gifts include ebooks, audios, home-study packages and more, on topics including: 101 Ways to Attract Clients, 7 Things You Must Do to Get More Clients, The Facebook Fan Page Intensive, The Online Video Playbook, 5 Psychological Triggers to Turn Prospects Into Clients, Abundance in Business, and The Finding Time Quick-Start Guide.

Solo-E has partnered with several key experts to offer these incredible resources for online based business owners.  For 12 days only – January 25 to February 5, you can download all these gifts at absolutely no cost (and no strings). That's right…you don't even have to give up your email address!

An incredible group of Experts are participating in the Post Resolution Hangover Giveaway, including:

Alicia Forest, Ann Ronan, Loren Fogelman, Tracey Lawton, Allison Babb, Tina Forsyth, Rebecca Zwar, Christine Gallagher, Lou Bortone, Heather Dominic, Laurie Weiss, Laurie Mandato, Zahra Efan, Hazel Palache, Laura West, Eva Gregory, Alicia Smith, Michele PW, Nina East and Paula Eder

Take a few minutes to see what all the fuss is about, and cure your Resolution Hangover! You’ll get access to fantastic resources that you can download and review at your convenience.  Visit http://www.solo-e.com/PostHolidayHangoverRemedy
 
Remember this offer is only good for until February 5. Check out all the goodies now.
 

I remember always trying very hard to do the best I could, and to please my parents, my teachers and everyone else in authority. I was taught to respect others and above all to be polite.

One of the things I was told over and over again was, "If you can't say something nice don't say anything at all." This worked out fine as long as things were going well and the people around me followed the same rules that I did.

The problem is I didn't know what to do when things went wrong. I felt especially stymied if saying something about a problem might be impolite or cause someone else embarrassment.

So most of the time I kept doing the best that I could and kept my mouth shut even about things that I thought were serious problems.

Then when I finally would speak up I sort of stammered and beat around the bush and managed to get myself ignored. And I couldn't understand what was going on.

Does any of this sound familiar to you?

You probably know I'm not that way anymore. But for years I've seen my clients and readers struggle with the same dilemmas.

My struggle has been to find ways to help my friends learn what I've learned along the way. What I've learned has made a huge difference in my life and I think it will in yours too — and I think I've found a way to share it with you.

Watch for more information in a few days.

Here are the steps you need to take next time someone appears to have lost emotional control and verbally attacks you. You can take these steps even if you feel like you're a deer in the headlights.

1. Take a deep breath yourself and calmly look directly at your accuser.
   

2. Say his or her name aloud and if you understand what she is upset about restate it. E.g. "Jim, you seem (angry, worried) because the package hasn't arrived yet. Is that right?" Or
   

3. Say his or her name and asked for a clarification. E.g. "Jim you seem (angry, worried) but I'm not quite sure I understand why. I think it's something about the package. Can you tell me what the problem is?"
   

4. Once you do understand, restate the problem just as in step number two and ask if you have it right.
   

5. Sympathize with a hard time the person is having. "I'm sorry it's so frustrating for you either done everything right and it's still not working" or
   Empathize: "Wow that happened to me, I'd be (angry, worried) too."

You may be finished at this point in the other person has calmed down and is ready for problem solving, or you may need to take another step. This step is necessary if you are in a position to help solve the problem.

1. Offer to help or at least to do something that is within your power to ease the situation. E.g. "What would you like me to do to help?"
   

2. Either take the requested action or offer a substitute.

By this time you've almost always a achieve your objective.

These steps work because they help someone who's lost emotional control to slowly calm him or her self with your help. Often all that's needed is to help someone who is upset feel seen heard and understood.

That person will be grateful to you for your help and you'll learn that the monster behind the raised voice is really just a frustrated or confused real person.

 Many of the lessons in The Integrity Course discuss practical ways  to identify and resolve conflict.
 

First let me be clear that I didn't know exactly what I was doing. I had just finished reading Shama Hyder’s e-book, “The Zen Of Social Media Marketing”, where she recommended using the question function on LinkedIn to get help when you need it. I needed it.

I didn't know that LinkedIn doesn't allow polls and I didn't know that LinkedIn does allow you to send direct questions to up to 200 people in your network. I only have 166 direct contacts and ended up sending the question to all of them. I received a total of 25 responses — 20 of them within the first 24 hours.

I consider that a phenomenal response and I was delighted with how generously so many people shared thoughtful answers.

Here's the question:

"Choosing a title for a white paper for my Twitter followers. Which title would you be more likely to download? "Would you rather [1.let others walk all over you] or [2. get screwed] than risk looking stupid or being rejected?"

I've written a white paper about the costs of avoiding confrontations in communication and the need to develop skills for choosing and managing those confrontations. I intend to offer it as a giveaway on the landing page I list on my Twitter profile. http://twitter.com/LaurieWeiss

I would also welcome ideas for a shorter title."

Many of the responses were a variation of "it depends" with a lot of very thoughtful things to consider. The six responses that were "simply use option 2" (get screwed) all came from successful Internet marketers. The 11 people who voted for option 1 (walk all over you) came mostly from the coaching, consulting and therapy worlds.

Several people suggested that I go with a more positive or affirmative title.

Lots of people suggested variations and several pointed out that my proposed titles did not contain search engine friendly keywords. Another compelling consideration was whether I was aiming my message at a male or female audience. The information I have is that my audience is about two thirds female.

So I have titled the document: "Hate Confrontation? Would You Rather Get Treated Like A Doormat Than Risk Looking Stupid Or Being Rejected?"

If you would like a copy of the special report, you can access it at http://www.LaurieWeiss.com

Many thanks to all of you who helped me clarify my thinking and providing new options.