You will be taken directly to the online player for the interview. If you would like to comment or ask questions during the interview, you can call in at (646) 727-3956.

Professional coach come from a variety of different backgrounds, and can assist you to identify and reach different objectives.

A coach with a background of business consulting (with or without an MBA) may have realized that just providing expert advice about a business problem isn’t enough. Although a client may know what to do about a problem, s/he may often have difficulty implementing the solution without ongoing support. The coach provides this support.

A coach skilled in career development may help an unemployed client through the job search process. This may involve helping them identify target companies, write a resume, and learn to present themselves well in an interview.

A life transitions coach may focus on helping her clients discover the unique work path that will help them feel truly alive and successful, instead of on just finding employment.

A financial coach may be a financial planner who provides ongoing support to help you implement the plan you have designed together.

A personal or life coach may come from a background in the helping professions and hold a professional degree, certification or license in psychology, social work, or counseling. S/he may also be a senior member of any field who has broad life experience and training and a commitment to the success of the client.

Choosing a Professional Coach

Choose your coach with as much care as you would choose any other member of your professional support team. First consider the specific support you need and ask your associates whether they know of anyone who can help. A surprising number of people already work with coaches. The expertise of the coach you are considering and your comfort with the person who offers this very personal relationship are both important factors.

You should expect your coach to be committed to helping you define and achieve your own goals. Your coach should help you examine possible courses of action, help you identify and solve potential problems, and support you enthusiastically every step of the way.

Laurie Weiss, Ph.D., Master Certified Coach, is a partner in Empowerment Systems, offering personal and professional development coaching, for women in business. 303-794-5379.

laurieweiss@empowermentsystems.com

Laurie offers a free thirty minute introductory session to readers who mention this article.

[tags]Self-Management,Management,Management Development,Managing Change,Life Transitions,Business Communication,Coaching[/tags]

The most dangerous pitfall is that your clients may expect you to single-handedly design and implement a solution that will fix everything. The next most dangerous pitfall is for you to try to meet those expectations.

Successful conflict intervention professionals do not “fix” things for their clients. Instead, they lead clients through the process of resolving their own issues in a supportive and effective manner.

Avoid the Traps

You will have to avoid many traps to successfully help others to resolve conflict.

The first trap is often an invitation to accept at face value the client’s definition of the problem and what is needed to solve it, for instance, the client’s belief that more training is needed in cases where the real issue is suppressed or unidentified conflict.

You will need to look behind the explanation you are offered. You’ll need to discover the needs, issues and values the explanation represents, if you are to assist clients in finding creative, appropriate options for solving their problems.

Another trap may be your eagerness to assist your clients without first determining whether they really want to solve their problems. Help your client explore the implications and risks, as well as the benefits, of dealing with potentially painful issues. This helps your client make a solid commitment to working with fundamental issues and letting go of problems that may have provided secret benefits.

A third trap you may face is the invitation to take sides and judge the rightness or wrongness of someone’s position in a conflict situation. It is important to stay impartial and help clarify possible effects of various actions.

Be particularly wary of attempts to get rid of troublemakers in various ways.

Often the “troublemaker” has a great deal of energy available to help resolve the problem. A person who cares enough to “make trouble” really cares about the prob1em and needs to be included in the resolution process.

Another pitfall is the possibility that you will move too quickly into areas that clients consider risky. If you scare your client, even accidentally, you may get hostility instead of cooperation

Your ability to be of value in the conflict situation depends upon your not being thrown out by an angry client. If you stay sensitive to your client’s fears, you may be able to avoid this hazard.

Stay Focused: Avoid the Drama

Getting involved in the drama of a conflict situation can also be a trap.

All drama involves victims, persecutors and rescuers. You may be greatly tempted to rescue your clients by proposing solutions prematurely, before they have brought their own information and resources to bear on the problem.

Rescues usually lead to dramatic role switches in which the consultant more often than not winds up in the victim position, criticized or even fired.

You will be a far more effective helper if you look for the needs, interests and values behind the roles and clarify them for everyone involved. Stimulate a search for options, instead of giving in to the temptation to reach a dramatic solution.

Accepting your role as a conflict intervention professional is a challenge. Your larger challenge as an executive, manager or HRD professional may be to change the perception of conflict from an unpleasant problem to an opportunity for change and growth.

Many of the lessons in The Integrity Course discuss practical ways to identify and resolve conflict.
[tags]Coaching, Business Communication, Conflict, Difficult Communication, Integrity, Management, Emotional Intelligence, Human Resources,Management Development, Managing Change, Managing Fear, Manging Conflict[/tags]

Craig and Marcy were newlyweds. It was a long-distance romance, and they both were delighted when his retirement allowed them to be together. His unspoken plan was to help her with her business so that she could work less, and they could spend more time together. Her plan, also unspoken, was to continue to develop her business in order to sell it in a few years and fund her own retirement.

Craig enthusiastically earned his certification in web design. He found the new information fun and refreshing after years of heavy corporate responsibility. Marcy was delighted that he was busy and happy, until he started to help her with her work. She found his suggestions insulting. It was her business, she was the expert, she supervised many designers and negotiated profitable contracts. Now he, a novice, was trying to tell her what to do!

Warren and Sharon did talk to each other about their plans and goals. Warren felt that his expertise could be put to good use in Sharon’s business. He convinced her that expanding the business would create long term benefits for both of them. She decided to go along with his ideas.

They made plans together, expanded their capacity, hired several new employees, and Warren started pressuring everyone to be more productive. Sharon began to hate going to work. She had loved the personal contact with her customers, but now she spent most of her time managing employees and trying to keep Warren calm.

Both women knew they were angry about their husbands‘ interference, but neither could communicate why. When the men discovered the cause of their spouses’ feelings during the coaching process, both were astonished to learn about the negative effects of genuinely trying to help their wives. Neither of the men had thought much about how they were going to find a meaningful way to fill their time after retirement, and simply picked up what was convenient. As the women learned to protect their own boundaries, the men each explored their own options for finding fulfilling activities.

The couples do not know each other.

Coaching Tip: Life planning for retirement is just as important as career planning before retirement.

Additional Information: Free Mini-Course: Secrets for Turning Difficult Conversations into Amazing Opportunities for Cooperation and Success

[tags]Coaching,Business Communication, life transitions, managing change, telling the truth[/tags]

The job itself was a wonderful change — almost too good to be true. Andrea’s superb reputation had led to her current assignment. When she met her boss, he informed her that he would like her to become his deputy and to prepare to take his position when he retired. She was expecting to continue doing project management work, and was stunned by his offer, which she immediately accepted. He set up a well thought-out training agenda with her that would allow her to familiarize herself with the unit, assist him, and gradually to assume additional responsibilities. Then her fantasies intensified.

As Andrea’s coach, I asked what she could do to shift her attention back to her work. Deciding she needed to clearly separate her current boss from her old lover in her mind, she wrote a letter to her old lover. She thanked him for the past relationship and reminded him of the reasons for ending it, and informed him of how her life had been developing. Then she destroyed the letter and the fantasies vanished. They were replaced by fears of being unable to master her new job. Doing a reality check about her fears demonstrated that they were completely unfounded. She was doing fine!

Nothing was wrong, but Andrea was reacting as if she was under great stress, and she was. As is often the case, a positive change had stimulated a reactive regression! Andrea was re-experiencing old, long-since resolved problems, and they weren’t even real problems. PAR, Progressive Abreactive Regression, a phenomena described by Arthur Stein, is a predictable regression that follows a breakthrough achievement. When we looked at the pattern, rather than the individual problems, Andrea realized that she had once more broken a self-created barrier, and just needed extra support until she got used to her new success. She arranged for extra nurturing from her family, friends, and her coach and is now thoroughly enjoying her new job.

Coaching tip: When strange things happen, look beyond the individual problems to the pattern they represent. PAR frequently accompanies success. What may look like a need for therapy may be a normal, easily managed coaching issue.

Additional Information: The Breakthrough Process
[tags] Managing Change, Managing Fear, New Job, Making Decisions, Life Transitions [/tags]

When I asked why she sold her business, she told me that the price was excellent, and that she was tired of the long hours, the responsibility to her customers and the difficulty in getting and keeping good employees. Her husband was due to retire in a few months. They had planned well and had enough money to live comfortably. She didn’t need a business to provide for herself and her family, and she didn’t want to tie herself down. Yet she valued something she no longer had, her identity as a business owner.

It had never occurred to Evelyn that by selling the business she had the thrust herself into a major life transition. Some transitions are expected — like getting married, having children, moving to a new city, divorce, etc. She had only expected relief at being out of the daily business grind. She did not expect to need to reinvent her life.

Really reinventing meant taking time to explore — not just to do something familiar to fill the time. Evelyn agreed to explore by doing a series of activities to help her discover what was meaningful and fun. She made a list of 100 things she loved to do and also listed “someday I’m gonna’s.” She looked through adult education catalogs and marked courses that seemed appealing. She fantasized her ideal day. She completed a major volunteer project. She kept asking, “when will I know what’s next?”

Gradually she realized that she wanted meaningful work without major responsibilities. She is temporarily teaching self-management skills and entrepreneurial skills to high school students in a local volunteer program. Since Evelyn’s husband has retired, they are exploring new options together, and enjoying the process.

Coaching tip: When someone is making a major life transition, time and tools for exploration and reevaluation are critical needs. Often the trip is more important than the destination.

Additional Information: Personal Development Blog
[tags] Life Transitions, Integrity, Making Decisions, Managing Change [/tags]

I asked Irene to imagine her business as an animal. She thought for a moment and told me it was a mouse. When I asked her to picture the larger organization as an animal, it looked like a tiger. Imagining the interaction between the tiger and the mouse, she immediately saw the mouse (her business) being quickly crushed and eaten. Her intuition had given her the critical information she needed, and she decided not to sell.

Sometimes a picture, especially one you create yourself, really is worth a thousand words. Logical thinking is quite useful for many types of decision making. When you are feeling stuck, though, you need your intuition. Creating images will help you understand patterns that may otherwise be eluding you.

Six months after Frank’s retirement, we discussed his boredom with his current life. Although he had chosen early retirement for very good reasons, he missed many things about his former job. When I asked him what animal his former job reminded him of, he immediately choose a buffalo. As he described the buffalo’s power, he realized that one thing he missed most was having an impact on others. As he redesigned his life, having an impact became a central theme.

Creating images of situations allows you to include information you may think is irrelevant or politically incorrect. It also helps uncover “secret” information about yourself that is blocking your progress.

Once, in a workshop, I drew a picture of a drooping plant to represent my current life. When I drew another picture, of how I wanted my life to be, I drew a stick figure (me) carrying a stick figure baby. I almost immediately realized that the baby was the *book I had been thinking about writing, and that I needed to get started. (Click HERE for the expanded story.)

Coaching tip: If you want a new perspective on any situation, PLAY with picturing it as an animate or inanimate object. Draw the object (you don’t need to be an artist) and step back and describe it. Have fun.

Additional Information: *The book I wrote is now online as The Integrity Course.
[tags] Coaching, Making Decisions, Managing Change [/tags]

Could she be assured that their work would meet her high standards? How would she correct them if it didn’t? How could she risk her reputation on their work? Since she had already developed appropriate delegation guidelines, only her fear was holding her back.

Knowing that she was about to leave on a rock-climbing vacation, I asked how she managed her fear when she was taking very real risks with her body. She explained that she had started climbing ten years earlier in order to learn that she could “feel fear and live through it.”

“Fear is just what happens as you take risks and test your limits! You KNOW you will fall when you are practicing. There is enough give in the rope that when you miss a move, you will fall a little below where you were. You get back on and may be a little frustrated. You have to figure out how to make the next move because what you just tried didn’t work.”

Suzanne realized she needed to use the same principles when delegating to her team. Give them work that stretched their limits, and “put some give in the rope” by setting very early deadlines that allowed plenty of time for correction and further development of their work when necessary. She recognizes her own fear as the natural result of testing her own limits, and she feels confident that she will survive it.

Coaching Tip: When a client is afraid to take a necessary risk, ask about their past successful strategies for coping with fear. Old successful strategies can be applied to new situations.

Laurie Weiss, Ph.D.

Are you a candidate for our 16-week Breakthrough Process(SM)? It’s for people who need to make a BIG change NOW.

[tags] Coachingl, Leadership, Management, Management Development, Managing Change, Managing Fear, Emotional Intelligence[/tags]

In an extra session a few hours later, we explored what was happening to him. He loved his new job, his new house had some problems but was generally delightful, and people were welcoming him to his new community. Everything was going even better than he had anticipated. Why the sudden panic when nothing was really wrong?

We both recognized his fear and uncertainty. When we started our coaching relationship we had seen it frequently, but as he clarified his goals and carried through the steps to make them happen, his self-confidence had grown. Now he was regressing. When I explained that regression, going back to earlier (negative) feelings, was a normal reaction to major change, he began to relax.

Regression is a natural response to progression. It is how we all learned to explore the world when we were children. Babies crawl away from their parents, try new things, suddenly discover they are alone, hurry back for a refueling hug, and crawl off again. The cycle is repeated over and over again. Adults feel the same way, but usually think it is a sign of weakness to need the equivalent of a parental hug. It isn’t! Noticing needs, and making sure they are managed is necessary for growth.

When I asked what support he needed to resolve his regression, he remembered pushing aside sad feelings about leaving his old friends. He decided to take time from organizing his new home to make some calls and catch up with his friends. Three days later, during his regular call, he was feeling great.

Coaching Tip: When a client seems to be regressing, ask these questions. “What is the big step forward that led to this regression?” “What kind of support do you need to feel okay again?”

Additional Information: Free Mini-Course: Integrity — Use It or Lose It!

[tags] Coaching, Managing Change, New Job, Emotional Intelligence[/tags]