Jan 11

These three executive women all found themselves in situations they considered untenable. In order to decide what to do they each had to examine their most significant priorities. 

Yvonne, an executive, felt paralyzed by her boss' new rules that required her to get approval for even the smallest expenditures. Yvonne was also representing her company in merger negotiations. The potential partner considered her boss expendable, and asked her to stick it out until their process is complete. The negotiations were going slowly. She wondered whether to get out or stay on, hoping things would change. 

Marianne's new boss did not trust her. All her routine requests for staffing changes were returned with demands for additional irrelevant information. For several months Marianne complied gracefully with all requests. She finally realized that other work was suffering as she tried to comply with these demands, and she was still not getting the staffing she needed. Marianne considered resigning, but was only months away from being vested in her pension fund. 

With the agreement of the executive committee, Louise, vice president of human resources, assured her branch managers that remarks they made during a managers' staff development retreat would be kept confidential.

After the event, she learned that two executives who disliked the resulting report were pressuring managers for details of the meeting. When she protested during a subsequent executive committee meeting, the two executives ridiculed her concerns. 

Decisions about whether to stay in difficult business or personal relationships can feel excruciatingly difficult to resolve. 

Balancing potential losses against maintaining dignity and financial stability are some of the most common issues faced by my clients. There are no simple answers, but following the process they used to make their decisions may help you through a similar situation. 

Each first clarified the outcome she most desired. Yvonne wanted stimulating work and recognition of her talents. Marianne wanted to stay with her company at least until her pension was vested. Louise wanted to be treated with dignity. 

Each decided to do everything possible to change her own situation. As coach, I helped them choose appropriate strategies to communicate their  dissatisfactions. 

  • Yvonne asked her boss (the company president) to change the procedures

  • Marianne decided that even if her new boss tried to fire her, her pension would be vested by the time that could take place, so she politely refused further demands to stop her other work to produce additional reports. 

  • Louise spoke privately to each member of the executive committee about treating her and all members of the company with dignity. 

They all evaluated the results of their actions. 

  • The president of Yvonne's firm changed the subject when she talked to him. 

  • Marianne's boss became so frustrated and she made herself look bad to her own boss. She was given orders to treat Marianne differently. 

  • Louise was told by the company president that she should adjust her values to match the values of the other executives. 

They made decisions by balancing all of these elements. 

  • Yvonne developed an outside consulting practice while waiting to see if the takeover would happen. She was prepared to resign and eventually did. 

  • Marianne developed a reasonably respectful working relationship with her boss. 

  • Louise resigned and eventually found a new opportunity. 

If you enjoyed this blog post The Integrity Course will provide much more information I believe will be useful to you. Included in this course are stories of how over 25 people confronted issues about integrity in the workplace. Learn more here.

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Nov 22

Assume that differences are opportunities for exploration. When you take the position that you are right and others are wrong, nobody wins.

Richness is created from diversity. Sometimes survival depends on it. A series of exercises were once devised to simulate being lost on the moon, lost in the Arctic, lost at sea (in a lifeboat) or in some other life-threatening situation. 

Teams were given a list of resources and told to choose those that would be most important for their survival. They needed to reach consensus about which few items they could keep. Their choices were compared with choices made by true experts in each situation.

Research showed the teams did much better when everyone contributed their knowledge. When they deferred to "experts" on the team, important information from less knowledgeable players was omitted and team scores declined. The livelier the discussions (arguments???), the better the team scores seem to be.

Some things you can do to make this work on your team are:

  • Describe the differences of opinion or perspective that you notice 
  • Respectfully ask questions to clarify those differences
  • Listen to the answers without unnecessary interruption
  • Interrupt only to ask clarifying questions
  • Do your best to understand the reasoning that leads to the differences
  • If you disagree, challenge the idea and not the person
  • Allow enough time to complete these important conversations.

Remember, when every one thinks alike important information is usually omitted. When everyone has the same skills tasks are completed in a lopsided way. When everything looks the same the view is boring. Go for the richness.

Free Mini-Course: Integrity — Use It or Lose It!

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written by Laurie Weiss \\ tags: , , , , ,

Aug 28

Assume that differences are opportunities for exploration. When you take the position that you are right and others are wrong, nobody wins.

Richness is created from diversity. Sometimes survival depends on it. A series of exercises were once devised to simulate being lost on the moon, lost in the Arctic, lost at sea (in a lifeboat) or in some other life-threatening situation.

Teams were given a list of resources and told to choose those that would be most important for their survival. They needed to reach consensus about which few items they could keep. Continue reading »

written by Laurie Weiss

Mar 24

When you run your own business, you are your own master and your own slave.

There are always more things to do than you have the time or money to manage. How you are able to cope with this situation determines whether you have a chance of becoming a successful business owner.

Two opposing styles cause the most problems. Continue reading »

written by Laurie Weiss

Mar 19

These guidelines were created by Dr. Angeles Arrien, and can be used as a spiritual way of describing dialogue.

1. Show Up and Choose to be Present

Show up means nobody is allowed to come as an empty chair. Be present.

2. Pay Attention to What Has Heart and Meaning

That means pay attention to the things that sing to you. We have so many things demanding our attention in our lives. There is advertising coming at us thousands of times every day. Everything we encounter, everything we look at, shouts come here, look here, give me your eyeballs. We are also constantly exposed to our own inner conversations and judgments. It is often very difficult to focus on what is really important to us.

3. Tell the Truth without Blame or Judgment

This is not just telling somebody else the truth, it’s telling myself to my own truth.

Example: I say to myself, “She is so wrong she is (expletive deleted) because…” It helps to ask myself the question, what in me is like her? How come I got so upset by that? I need to tell the truth to myself about me before telling my truth to others.

4. Be Open to Outcome, not Attached to Outcome

Be interested in what’s happening, but don’t be attached to it. Be open to whatever happens, knowing it doesn’t have to happen in a particular way. When you start an important conversation it doesn’t have to end up in any particular place. Once concerns and feelings are talked about, the original concern may no longer be important.

Learn more about communicating with integrity in The Integrity Course, an online, multimedia home-study course to help you say what you think without getting fired or losing your friends.

[tags]Business Communication, Emotional Intelligence, Integrity, Leadership, Making Decisions, Self-Management, Telling the Truth[/tags]

written by Laurie Weiss

Mar 14

It is easier to create an argument than it is to create a dialogue. When we have different opinions about the way to solve a problem, we often act as if there is one correct answer and our task is find it. As long as we believe that a single correct course of action exists, we debate the issue. We try to convince each other that a particular position is correct. Someone wins and someone loses. Even when we believe that this is an outmoded way to solve problems, Continue reading »

written by Laurie Weiss

Mar 09

How do you decide when to give up when something isn‘t working?

Yvonne, an executive, feels paralyzed by her boss‘ new rules that require her to get approval for even the smallest expenditures. Yvonne is also representing her company in merger negotiations. The potential partner considers her boss expendable, Continue reading »

written by Laurie Weiss

Jan 20

“I don’t take clients I don’t want anymore.“ explained Katy Kurtz, when I asked why she thought her professional life was finally “going so well.” Katy, a family law attorney, had recently been over stressed by managing several very difficult cases. In each of those cases, the client had been both unrealistic about expectations, ungrateful to Katy for her hard work, and reluctant to pay her bill. Continue reading »

written by Laurie Weiss

Dec 02

Gillian and her husband Bob both held responsible corporate positions. Togetherness was the theme of their nine-year-old marriage. Although they Continue reading »

written by Laurie Weiss

Nov 20

To be effective, complete conversations must include:

written by Laurie Weiss