What you do need to know is below. My friend Suzanna wrote that part, and the reminders I will send over the next few days. The series starts Monday, November 15, and ends Friday; and my interview will be broadcast on Wednesday. I have  created an incredible offer for you – read on…

It's an old saying …

———————————————————————————————————
"Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug!"
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Yes, sometimes you succeed.

At other times … you FAIL!

THAT'S LIFE.

———————  THE BIG QUESTION …———————

So, how do you turn your failures, frustrations, challenges, and setbacks into SUCCESS?

How do you OVERCOME the obstacles in your way?

How do you get BEYOND the past … and remove the barriers that have held you back?

That's what my friend Suzanna Abbott is asking me when she interviews me during her "FAILURE TO FEARLESS" telesummit series.

http://tinyurl.com/2gyzdgb

You get to attend and listen in for FREE.

In fact, you can attend ALL 22 calls in this telesummit series as my GUEST.

Register here:

http://tinyurl.com/2gyzdgb

I think you'll LOVE my interview with Suzanna.

But, I also think you're REALLY going to learn and grow from the other 21 guest experts as well.

Grab this opportunity while it's available.

Register NOW:

>>>

See you on the call …

Laurie
 

While talking with a 40-year-old woman who makes enormous contributions to her community I learned that she was reluctant to talk about what she does to more than a few people at a time. She didn't want to call attention to herself.

When I asked what inspired her to do one of her many successful projects — collecting used medical equipment and shipping it to a third world country — I learned that it wasn't just about the medical equipment. Her motivation was keeping things out of landfills and protecting the planet. Her inspiration had come from hearing somebody else describe a project that also kept other large objects out of landfills.

As we talked she realized how talking about what she does (and has done) might encourage somebody else to contribute as well.

She also realized how she had been rebelling about writing about her contributions simply because someone else ordered her to. Now she sees the bigger purpose of letting herself be known.

Next time we met she described calling attention to herself in a large organization by contributing a clarifying restatement of that organization's project. She's now excited about becoming a role model for others.

Learn more about communicating with integrity in The Integrity Course, an online, multimedia home-study course to help you say what you think without getting fired or losing your friends.

I wanted to know the demographics of the women who flock to her meetings because I suspect that these are the same women who tend to read what I write. However what I learned is that the common denominator is not age or business or marital status —
it is passion.

Lisa is a living example of the Law of Attraction. She is a perfect example of someone who is living her passion and urging others to do so to. In an economy where many groups despair of getting enough clients, her networking business is thriving. Each meeting attracts additional women — mostly by word-of-mouth.

Lisa knows that women need to feel welcomed and affirmed and encouraged to live their passions. She concentrates on providing those things for them at her Women Wine and Wellness networking meetings. She sees herself not as a problem solver but as a passion enhancer.

A relative newcomer to networking, Lisa was fascinated by observing what worked and what didn't work. She gathered information at a networking meeting she attended and  observed that the less she tried to promote herself and the more she listened for what she could do to enhance the experience of people she met, the better things worked.

Her passion became finding at least one thing she could provide for each person she met and she learned to never attempt to sell anything at all during a networking conversation. One of the things she loves sharing the information she gathers which finds personally helpful.

As Lisa began to put people together whom she felt would benefit by connecting with each other, people began to see her as a source of resources, and additional people were attracted. She learned her as she put people together so that they could connect around their passions, wonderful things happened.

Eventually she formalized the meetings as Women Wine and Wellness, this group is designed to connect and empower women she serves. The group started meeting in her home where she made special preparations to welcome each woman who attended. This even included an affirmative prayer before each meeting that it would serve the needs of every participant.

As Lisa has developed meetings and hostesses in different locations she has attempted to pass on her philosophy and welcoming attitude. Her biggest challenge seems to be duplicating her own effervescent and welcoming energy.

Every aspect of each meeting is designed to connect and empower the women she serves.

In the three meetings I've attended and enjoyed, I've made useful contacts and left feeling enlivened and refreshed. I recommend these meetings to women in South Metro Denver looking for creative networking that really works.

It's all about the passion!

Links: Lisa Schultz  http://www.linkedin.com/in/lisashultz
Women Wine and Wellness:  http://www.womenwineandwellness.com/

Free Mini-Course: Integrity — Use It or Lose It! Free Mini-Course: Secrets for Turning Difficult Conversations into Amazing Opportunities for Cooperation and Success

When you take risks and operate with integrity; when you consider other people's needs as well as your own; when you think about long term situations instead of short-term gains; and when you really tell the truth; you can achieve amazing results.

Learning to do this well requires skill and practice. This is especially true when you need information in a confusing situation. It's especially true when you're in a situation where a misstep can cause real problems.

The following steps will help you practice the skills you need to achieve results and gain respect in the workplace.

1. Before you ask anything, gather as much information as you can about a situation by careful observation.

* Listen to the topics that are discussed
* Notice topics that are not discussed.
* Pay attention to nonverbal clues-posture, tone of voice
* Notice relative power positions of the people present in the situation-even furniture placement and seating arrangements.

2. Think about what additional information you need to better understand the situation. Look for the missing pieces.

3. Use your intuition. What is your hunch or guess about what is going on? What do you wish you knew?

4. Ask questions only when you are truly unsure of what the answers will be.

5. Listen carefully to the answers that are presented to you. Give it your full attention.

Ask clarifying questions only if you cannot understand the answer you are hearing. Wait until the answer is complete before you comment on it.

Treat everyone with respect – avoid being condescending in any way.

6. Never ask a question when you are already sure what the answer is. The only reason to do this is to catch someone else doing something wrong. If you do this, others will sense it and feel resentful or put down, even if you think you are being subtle.

7. Be willing to be vulnerable. Take responsibility for your own mistakes or lack of information. In this situation, saving face (your own) is not nearly as important as helping others save face!

8. If you feel attacked or challenged by the answer to one of your questions,
do not defend yourself. Respond by stating your understanding of what was said. Ask if your understanding is accurate.

9. Keep asking questions until you are sure you understand what you need to know about the situation, and as long as others are willing to respond to you.

10. Thank everyone who is present.

 
Phil,
 
One of the lessons is "Sometimes it Makes Sense Not To Tell the Truth" (not sure of the exact title.) Others are about people faced with dilemmas who do their best.
 
I try to provide tools to help people make hard decisions when faced with difficult challenges. I don't know anyone who can handle complete integrity. We are all human, ­ including me.
 
From your note, I think you would find The Integrity Course valuable. It is guaranteed, so if it doesn't meet your needs let us know and we will refund your money.
 
Warmly,
 
Laurie

Learn more about communicating with integrity in The Integrity Course, an online, multimedia home-study course to help you say what you think without getting fired or losing your friends.

Yvonne, an executive, felt paralyzed by her boss' new rules that required her to get approval for even the smallest expenditures. Yvonne was also representing her company in merger negotiations. The potential partner considered her boss expendable, and asked her to stick it out until their process is complete. The negotiations were going slowly. She wondered whether to get out or stay on, hoping things would change. 

Marianne's new boss did not trust her. All her routine requests for staffing changes were returned with demands for additional irrelevant information. For several months Marianne complied gracefully with all requests. She finally realized that other work was suffering as she tried to comply with these demands, and she was still not getting the staffing she needed. Marianne considered resigning, but was only months away from being vested in her pension fund. 

With the agreement of the executive committee, Louise, vice president of human resources, assured her branch managers that remarks they made during a managers' staff development retreat would be kept confidential.

After the event, she learned that two executives who disliked the resulting report were pressuring managers for details of the meeting. When she protested during a subsequent executive committee meeting, the two executives ridiculed her concerns. 

Decisions about whether to stay in difficult business or personal relationships can feel excruciatingly difficult to resolve. 

Balancing potential losses against maintaining dignity and financial stability are some of the most common issues faced by my clients. There are no simple answers, but following the process they used to make their decisions may help you through a similar situation. 

Each first clarified the outcome she most desired. Yvonne wanted stimulating work and recognition of her talents. Marianne wanted to stay with her company at least until her pension was vested. Louise wanted to be treated with dignity. 

Each decided to do everything possible to change her own situation. As coach, I helped them choose appropriate strategies to communicate their  dissatisfactions. 

• Yvonne asked her boss (the company president) to change the procedures

• Marianne decided that even if her new boss tried to fire her, her pension would be vested by the time that could take place, so she politely refused further demands to stop her other work to produce additional reports. 

• Louise spoke privately to each member of the executive committee about treating her and all members of the company with dignity. 

They all evaluated the results of their actions. 

• The president of Yvonne's firm changed the subject when she talked to him. 

• Marianne's boss became so frustrated and she made herself look bad to her own boss. She was given orders to treat Marianne differently. 

• Louise was told by the company president that she should adjust her values to match the values of the other executives. 

They made decisions by balancing all of these elements. 

• Yvonne developed an outside consulting practice while waiting to see if the takeover would happen. She was prepared to resign and eventually did. 

• Marianne developed a reasonably respectful working relationship with her boss. 

• Louise resigned and eventually found a new opportunity. 

If you enjoyed this blog post The Integrity Course will provide much more information I believe will be useful to you. Included in this course are stories of how over 25 people confronted issues about integrity in the workplace. Learn more here.

Here are the steps you need to take next time someone appears to have lost emotional control and verbally attacks you. You can take these steps even if you feel like you're a deer in the headlights.

1. Take a deep breath yourself and calmly look directly at your accuser.
   

2. Say his or her name aloud and if you understand what she is upset about restate it. E.g. "Jim, you seem (angry, worried) because the package hasn't arrived yet. Is that right?" Or
   

3. Say his or her name and asked for a clarification. E.g. "Jim you seem (angry, worried) but I'm not quite sure I understand why. I think it's something about the package. Can you tell me what the problem is?"
   

4. Once you do understand, restate the problem just as in step number two and ask if you have it right.
   

5. Sympathize with a hard time the person is having. "I'm sorry it's so frustrating for you either done everything right and it's still not working" or
   Empathize: "Wow that happened to me, I'd be (angry, worried) too."

You may be finished at this point in the other person has calmed down and is ready for problem solving, or you may need to take another step. This step is necessary if you are in a position to help solve the problem.

1. Offer to help or at least to do something that is within your power to ease the situation. E.g. "What would you like me to do to help?"
   

2. Either take the requested action or offer a substitute.

By this time you've almost always a achieve your objective.

These steps work because they help someone who's lost emotional control to slowly calm him or her self with your help. Often all that's needed is to help someone who is upset feel seen heard and understood.

That person will be grateful to you for your help and you'll learn that the monster behind the raised voice is really just a frustrated or confused real person.

 Many of the lessons in The Integrity Course discuss practical ways  to identify and resolve conflict.
 

First let me be clear that I didn't know exactly what I was doing. I had just finished reading Shama Hyder’s e-book, “The Zen Of Social Media Marketing”, where she recommended using the question function on LinkedIn to get help when you need it. I needed it.

I didn't know that LinkedIn doesn't allow polls and I didn't know that LinkedIn does allow you to send direct questions to up to 200 people in your network. I only have 166 direct contacts and ended up sending the question to all of them. I received a total of 25 responses — 20 of them within the first 24 hours.

I consider that a phenomenal response and I was delighted with how generously so many people shared thoughtful answers.

Here's the question:

"Choosing a title for a white paper for my Twitter followers. Which title would you be more likely to download? "Would you rather [1.let others walk all over you] or [2. get screwed] than risk looking stupid or being rejected?"

I've written a white paper about the costs of avoiding confrontations in communication and the need to develop skills for choosing and managing those confrontations. I intend to offer it as a giveaway on the landing page I list on my Twitter profile. http://twitter.com/LaurieWeiss

I would also welcome ideas for a shorter title."

Many of the responses were a variation of "it depends" with a lot of very thoughtful things to consider. The six responses that were "simply use option 2" (get screwed) all came from successful Internet marketers. The 11 people who voted for option 1 (walk all over you) came mostly from the coaching, consulting and therapy worlds.

Several people suggested that I go with a more positive or affirmative title.

Lots of people suggested variations and several pointed out that my proposed titles did not contain search engine friendly keywords. Another compelling consideration was whether I was aiming my message at a male or female audience. The information I have is that my audience is about two thirds female.

So I have titled the document: "Hate Confrontation? Would You Rather Get Treated Like A Doormat Than Risk Looking Stupid Or Being Rejected?"

If you would like a copy of the special report, you can access it at http://www.LaurieWeiss.com

Many thanks to all of you who helped me clarify my thinking and providing new options.