He Lied To Me

Being committed to communicate with integrity provides some protection against being lied to. It often leads me to question statements that others politely accept. However nothing I know of protects me from a liar who looks and sounds as if she is telling the truth.

I wrote this some time ago, right after I was lied to again. Since I’ve made a commitment to making the 2^nd decade of the 21^st Century the Decade of Communicating with Integrity, I’ve decided to republish it.

It's frustrating, isn't it? You make an agreement in good faith, it's clearly understood by both sides (in this case all three people involved), and then one person simply refuses to keep the agreement.

In this case I made an agreement to coach an employee of a medium sized business. When a third party is paying the bill, it's my policy to sit down with all parties involved, and spell out all our commitments.

The meeting with the business owner and the employee seemed straightforward enough. Goals were identified and a timeline was set to have four coaching sessions and then to check back with the business owner. He seemed quite enthusiastic about the probability of salvaging his relationship with a valued employee.

In my first session with the employee she expressed her doubts about the sincerity of the business owner. She complained about his erratic behavior and the effect it was having on her and her fellow employees. Nevertheless, we continued with our agenda and appeared to make some real progress.

Two days after our first session the employee called back to cancel the other sessions. Her employer had just told her that he decided she wasn't worth it after all. He said that if she wanted coaching she would have to pay for it for herself. I affirmed the employee’s perception about her boss's erratic behavior and wished her well.

Then I wandered off shaking my head. In over 30 years of working with people I am still completely unable to recognize some kinds of lies. I certainly confront people when I recognize inconsistencies — and I am very perceptive. I basically trust people, and I wouldn't want it any other way. And sometimes I get fooled.

When I do, I do my best to acknowledge the problem, admit my own fallibility and move on as long as I do not have an ongoing relationship with the person who lied to me.

If I must continue to do business with the person who’s lied, I consider it very important to discuss the situation. Sometimes that discussion results in clarification of the expectations we have with each other. At other times it involves dissolving the business relationship at the earliest possible opportunity.

If you enjoyed this blog post The Integrity Course will provide much more information I believe will be useful to you. Included in this course are stories of how over 25 people confronted issues about integrity in the workplace. Learn more here.

written by Laurie Weiss \\ tags: Business Communication, Conflict, Difficult Communication, Emotional Intelligence, Integrity, Telling the Truth