Learn from your experience. Notice what works, and what usually receives a negative reaction from your co-worker(s). Do what works and stop doing what does not work. If doing what you do with others gets you what you want, that’s great. If you find yourself blaming others because they’re not responding the way you want them to, start paying attention. You can improve what happens by changing what you do.
- Are you angry and grouchy because a coworker is grouchy? If you say something nice to her you might be surprised at what different behavior shows up.
- Does your boss ask you to redo the memos you send? Jim’s boss kept telling him to shorten his memos. Jim told narrative stories in his memos. When Jim started submitting memos with bullet points, he stopped getting them back.
- Are you tired of staying late because other people are inconsiderate? Helen struggled to complete every assignment that was given to her at 4:45 in the afternoon. Things changed completely when she told her boss that she would complete them the next day.
Each one of these people changed their behavior and started getting different results. You can, too. Here’s how:
- Notice what you’ve been complaining about. (Even if you’re just thinking it and not saying anything at all.)
- Analyze what happens immediately before the response that you don’t like. Pay special attention to your own behavior.
- See if happens consistently. Does your boss return all memos for correction, or just yours? Does he change all of your memos or only some of them? Is the receptionist grouchy to everyone, or just to you? Paying attention will help you decide what to do next.
- Do something different.
Remember one definition of insanity is doing what you’ve always done and expecting different results.
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