I overheard this tidbit while listening to a conversation between two millionaire businessmen.
You know, we dont always agree, but we have the perfect relationship. I know that when you say something negative its not to hurt my feelings. Youre just telling me what you think. We make money every time we talk to each other.
What makes it possible for these two successful men to have this kind of a relationship? I think its complete honesty and trust. How come that kind of trust doesnt usually exist in ordinary work situations?
Could it be that were so used to accepting untruths from each other that it doesnt occur to us to be candid even in situations where were not at risk?
In situations where we are at risk hardly anybody is willing to stick his (or her) neck out and say what they really think.
When you have so little practice in telling the truth, you probably are pretty clumsy at it. And youre afraid afraid of rocking the boat, afraid of hurting somebodys feelings, or afraid, probably realistically, of retaliation. Retaliation happens when someone else gets his or her feelings hurt.
Remember the conversation? The millionaire businessmen do not get their feelings hurt!
What would it take to NOT get your feelings hurt if somebody told you something you did not want to hear?
The first thing that would take is assurance of that persons good intentions.
Do your feelings get hurt when children tell you the truth even when their parents hush them? Its not polite to tell the truth. Yet we know that the children dont intend to embarrass anyone. Theyre merely curious or sharing their observations about the world in order to get confirmation that those observations are correct.
Once when I was in the middle of dental work my four-year-old grandson said to me, Grandma your tooth sticks out. He was absolutely right. Had no intention of hurting my feelings and he didnt. He was just talking to me about what he noticed. Im sure youve had similar experiences.
Yet when a friend or coworker blurts out something, you feel offended. And you worry about the real meaning of what was said. You even make up stories about what she or he really meant.
What if you assumed that whatever anybody says something that they are doing the best they can at the moment? Even if they werent skilled even if they had a hidden agenda no matter what theyre doing the best they can at the moment.
That doesnt mean you have to like what is said. That doesnt mean you wont have an emotional reaction to what they say. It simply means that you notice your own emotional reaction and move past it.
You look for the positive intention behind their statements. There usually is one even if it is just self-protection.
You can learn to make up positive stories just as easily as you make up negative ones. Those stories will help you be more accepting of other people and create an atmosphere where people know it is safe to tell you the truth.
One of the reasons the two millionaires I mentioned trust each other is that they know there is a positive intention behind any statement made by the other. They care about their own success and each others success. They dont let fear of the truth get in the way of their work together. And they make more money in a year than most of us can imagine making a lifetime.
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[tags]Telling the Truth, Integrity, Business Communication[/tags]
