When I give her a direction, she says she understands, but then she acts as if she can do just as she pleases. Ellen, the manager of a rehabilitation hospital unit, was discussing her frustration in supervising one of her social workers.
Ellen would much rather help Angelique be successful at her job than to fire her, but things have not been going well, and she is feeling like she is being set up to be Angeliques mother.
Actually, the two women are close in age. Ellen is 34 and Angelique is 28. Angelique has been on the unit for a year and a half, but Ellen has only been supervising her directly for a few months. Ellens frustration began when she noticed that the social worker frequently took took time off.
She is on a salary, and has some flexibility, but she is expected to be here forty hours a week. She was coming and going whenever she pleased. She even asked for a week off without pay because she had used up all her available sick leave and vacation time. Its hospital policy to grant that when it is requested, so I gave her the time, but the situation isnt getting any better.
I have told her that she needs to call me if she is taking time off, but sometimes she doesnt even do that. After she ignored my warning, I followed up with a written reprimand and placed it in her file. She cried then, and promised to do better, but she hasnt.
I have even told her that she is inviting me to micro-manage her, but I am reluctant to cause her the embarrassment of having to punch the time clock, when none of the other workers at her level do that. Now she wants me to let her work at another job on weekends, so she can earn the right to some additional time off.
Manager or Mother?
As Ellen and I discussed the situation, I learned that Ellen was already micro-managing Angelique. Whenever they had a supervision session, Ellen was taking extra pains to make certain that Angelique understood exactly what hours she was expected to be on the unit. We both laughed at the absurdity of helping someone with a Masters degree to read a basic time schedule.
Ellen admitted ruefully, I guess I am acting like her mother, after all.
When we looked at how Angelique had invited Ellens motherly response, it was obvious that Angelique was acting like a child who had not learned to respect limits and boundaries. Ellen, as the person in charge of keeping the unit running well, kept telling Angelique what the boundaries were (when she was expected to be on the job). When Angelique did not use this information, Ellen was first surprised and then increasingly frustrated.
When Angeliques response to discipline (being written up) was tears, Ellen felt an impulse to protect her and not cause her further embarrassment. Instead she tried to be a nice parent rather than a critical parent. When that didnt work either, Ellen asked for coaching.
Its a Power Struggle
It isnt unusual for a manager and an employee to get into the kind of power struggle that Ellen is experiencing with Angelique. It usually starts when one party, often the employee, has unfinished business with a parent. It is especially common for people who are still in power struggles with parents to get into power struggles with authority figures.
Managers and supervisors are readily available authority figures.
Instead of seeing the manager as just another person whose job happens to be to give others instructions about how to do their jobs, the Angeliques of the world see managers differently. They see managers the way children often see their parents: as people with whom they need to struggle to prove that they are independent and autonomous.
Struggling with parents is a normal life activity; we must all go through it on the way to experiencing ourselves as independent, autonomous adults. However, if we experienced either weak, ineffective parents, or overbearing parents, we did not have a satisfactory experience of resolving this normal rite of passage.
Being naturally tenacious and growth-oriented, we keep trying to complete this normal developmental task of childhood and adolescence.
Supervisors at work, and significant others in private life, are the prime targets for our need to establish our independence by resolving our power struggles. In order to resolve a power struggle, though, you need to create one. Angelique had managed to create one with Ellen.
Creating Appropriate Limits
Ellen, like most managers, is confused about what to do. Although she does not want to be Angeliques mother, she does need to provide firm, matter-of-fact consequences for any team member who ignores important rules.
When Angelique experiences the discipline she probably did not get as a child, she can decide to give up the struggle and act like a mature adult in the workplace. Whether Ellen likes it or not, she probably will not be able to help Angelique become a productive member of the unit without providing these consequences.
As I coached Ellen, she confirmed that this was probably the situation. She says she knows that Angelique grew up in a wealthy, overindulgent family. In fact, Angeliques father purchased a house for her to live in, and she has few financial responsibilities.
Ellen mused, She even dresses like a college student. She has trouble setting appropriate limits for some of the patients she works with, too. Is this another sign of her need for limits?
Once the situation became clear, Ellen created a plan. She decided to warn Angelique that if she does not follow the units guidelines about working hours and appropriate notification, this month, she will have to punch the time clock next month, and will have written notice warning her of termination placed in her file. If she does not follow procedures with the time clock, she will then be terminated.
Ellen was relieved. I want to get out of the power struggle and supervise her appropriately. She is certainly intelligent enough to keep her job if she wants it.
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[tags]Management, Supervision, Business Communication, Coaching, Conflict, Difficult Communication[/tags]
