This vintage set of commandments, offered by the late Thomas Leonard is a deceptively simple and extremely challenging code for coaching, managing, child rearing or simply living with another human being.
If you read this blog, you probably do your best to communicate constructively. When I read this about eight years ago I had already written extensively about win-win communication. I was already practicing much of what Thomas suggests here. Still, this material had a huge impact on me.
When I used his material to remind myself about how I wanted to act, I felt as if my effectiveness increased. Not only that, when I did NOT comment on negative behavior, it seemed to melt away anyhow.
I still believe that confronting (literally helping people to face) negative patterns is useful in some situations. Thomas Leonard thought differently. Read this and decide for yourself.
The Top 10 Ways to Be Unconditionally Constructive, 100% of the Time
1. Point out the person’s strengths, not their weaknesses.
2. Point out what was good that was behind a person’s actions, even if the result didn’t work out.
3. Empathize, then endorse and reinforce, repeatedly.
4. Make the person feel normal for whatever they are experiencing.
5. Acknowledge the person, accurately and without puffery.
6. Don’t refer to the failure/error, ever.
7. Tell them who you are for them (a fan, a supporter, a source of
business/love, etc.).
8. Don’t compare today’s performance/progress with yesterday’s.
9. Focus/speak to the spirit of the other person, not just their
actions or achievements.
10. Have others who are always unconditionally constructive with you.
About the Submitter:
Submitted by the late Thomas J. Leonard, whose work can be seen on the web at http://thomasleonard.com/
Copyright 1997, 98, 99, by Coach U, all rights reserved.
This content my be forwarded in full, with copyright/contact/creation information intact, without specific permission, when used only in a not-for-profit format. If any other use is desired, permission in writing from Coachville.com is required.
Learn more about communicating with integrity in The Integrity Course, an online, multimedia home-study course to help you say what you think without getting fired or losing your friends.
[tags]Self-Management, Telling the Truth, Management, Business Communication, Coaching, Emotional Intelligence[/tags]
