Transactional Analysis (TA) offers tools that use simple language to describe complex behavior. "I’m OK and You’re OK" is a simplified model for a long list of beliefs and behaviors that affirm that I value myself and I value you also.
A belief that I’m OK and You’re OK is visible in attitudes people display when speaking with each other. They get on with solving problems instead of getting away from, getting rid of, or getting nowhere when problems are revealed.
Example: If I’m OK and you’re OK, then if something goes wrong between us, we get on with solving the problem together. We take the initiative to acknowledge that something is happening that’s not working or that something needs improving. Then we decide what are we’re going to do about it.
Reverse Example: If I’m not OK and you’re OK, then if something goes on between us I "know" it’s because there’s something wrong with me. I would rather not expose that flaw, so I’ll attempt to withdraw and get away from the problem. Nothing useful is going to happen.
Reverse Example: If I’m OK and you’re not OK, and something happens, there’s nothing for us to solve. It’s obviously your problem because you’re not OK. If I can get rid of you, the problem goes away, too.
Reverse Example: If neither one of us is OK, we’ll both attempt to retreat, and attempts at problem-solving will get nowhere. If by some rare chance, you did something about it, I would screw it up.
Example: "Jim had something come up at the last minute. Maybe we should just reschedule the meeting for a time when everyone can be here." Spoken while knowing it took weeks to get the meeting scheduled, and Jim is not a key player.
This article is excerpted from Dare To Say It: How to Have Important Conversations that Build Working Relationships , by Laurie Weiss, Ph.D.
[tags]Emotional Intelligence, Difficult Communication, Business Communication, Telling the Truth,Self-Management,Transactional Analysis[/tags]
